People get divorced for a variety of reasons and choosing to get divorced is an intensely personal decision. That being said, there are some reasons for divorce that come up time and time again, and family psychologists have even conducted studies trying to pinpoint the reasons for divorce.
Below, we discuss the most common reasons why people get divorced:
Lack of Commitment
When surveyed, at least 75% of divorced adults said: “a lack of commitment played a part in the demise of their marriage.” Commitment is more than being faithful and ultimately boils down to whether both spouses are putting effort into their marriage. Maintaining a romantic relationship takes work, and if one or both partners are unwilling to put in that work, the relationship will not work out.
Extramarital affairs and infidelity can also lead to the end of a marriage. For many couples, an affair is the “final straw” before their divorce. Not only does infidelity represent a lack of commitment to the marriage, but it can destroy trust and affection within a marriage.
In North Carolina, spouses who have been the victim of infidelity can file alienation of affection lawsuits to recover from the emotional trauma of an affair.
Sadly, domestic violence is one of the leading reasons for divorce in the United States. Nearly a quarter of divorcees cited physical and emotional abuse as the cause of their divorce. Relationship abuse is never acceptable, and you may need help getting out of an abusive marriage.
If you need help leaving an abusive partner, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233). Once you are safe, speak to an attorney about getting a protective order and learning how domestic violence may affect your divorce.
Drinking and drug use can present a problem in all kinds of relationships. When one partner abuses drugs or struggles with addiction, there is little the other partner can do to help. While some people seek addiction treatments, others continue prioritizing substances above everything else.
One partner cannot help another if that partner does not want to help themselves, and sometimes, separation and divorce become the only options.
Most wedding vows include the phrase, “in sickness and in health,” but the reality of health problems can make marriages unsustainable. According to marriage counselors, “illnesses create debt and pain and loss of self,” which means one partner may be unable to contribute to the relationship.
For some couples, this obstacle is simply too much, particularly when the healthy partner is unable to step into the role of caregiver.
Combining your finances with someone else’s can create tensions, particularly if one partner is a spender and the other is a saver. Many people cite their partner’s spending habits as a reason the marriage will not work.
Financial stress can also lead to other problems within the marriage.
Too Much Conflict or Arguing
Although healthy arguments can strengthen a marriage, high-conflict relationships rarely last. If spouses do not resolve their problems, let their tempers get the best of them, or argue without respect, one or both of them can become “fed up” with the relationship and initiate a divorce.
When you marry someone, you become a part of their family, but intrusive in-laws can lead to the end of a marriage. According to Psychology Today, spouses might feel like they are not coming first or like their partners are not protecting them when in-laws are involved. Strong couples set boundaries with their families, so the relationship has room to grow.
By the time they make it to a divorce attorney’s office, many couples feel like they can no longer have a conversation. Whether couples cannot discuss an issue without screaming or find they have nothing to talk about once the kids leave home, growing apart is a leading reason for divorce.
People grow and change constantly, and even people who live in the same home may grow at different rates. Couples can grow together, but getting through transitions can be difficult, and it requires hard work and respectful communication.
Some partners feel like they married an entirely different person than the person they’re divorcing.
Whatever Your Reason, We Can Help
Waiting until later in life to get married, seeking relationship counseling before getting married, and even signing a prenuptial agreement can help you avoid many of the relationship downfalls we discussed above.
That being said, the end of a marriage is nothing to be ashamed of. In North Carolina, you do not have to give a reason for your divorce, but you do have to separate for at least one (1) year before you can make your divorce final.
Call us at (704) 659-0007 or contact us online to discuss your situation with one of our trusted attorneys.